Guys. Ladies. People. Let me tell you what’s been going on with me lately. I know it’s been a minute – or like a year (lol) since my last blog, and I have no excuse. None. I guess I just got caught up in life and my Muse decided to take a vacation to Greece without me or something. (Or some other fabulous place.) This last week though, I’ve been struggling to piece together my thoughts to express, and it’s been… difficult.
I’m gonna start by painting you a picture. A (ahem) “Julie story” if you will… This past year has been one of transition, for sure, for me. My baby – my youngest son, Adrian, moved out of my house and into his dorm 2+ hours away in Ohio. (Throws up a little in my mouth. It’s a Michigan thing. No offense.) He’s my baby boy. My hero. My protector. Every day, without fail, when I’d walk in the door from work, he’d wrap me in the biggest bear hug. Being taller than me (and stronger) he’d sometimes pick me up. He’d ask how my day was. When I was chilling with my wine watching TV, he’d come out of his room to say goodnight and hug me. When I was working tirelessly on edits on my latest manuscript, he’d come up after playing video games and kiss me on my forehead. If I was upset over something or someone, he knew. He always knew. He just had this way about him, and he’d demand to know: “Why are you crying?” I’m not, I’d say. “Yes. You were,” he’d answer. And I’d shake my head, or I’d sometimes try to tell him no, and he’d just wrap his arms around me in one of his signature hugs. So. Not having him here these last 12 months (well, mostly – he does come home now and then) has been hard. Or…as I said, a transition… for me. But… such is life, right? We adjust. We adapt. (Tho, stubbornly, I don’t always wanna!) But yet, I know this is part of life. And I know that I did my job as a mama, and as a parent, and now it’s time to let my last baby go and have him do all the good – no – great things! And I’m so, so, sooooo proud of the young humans I’ve helped shape. My two older daughters and him are just the most amazing people to me! And yeah, I’m gonna brag and feel proud that I had a hand in shaping these awesome human beings. And I’m even prouder yet, of who they’ve become – these kind, accepting, passionate, and compassionate people. And, I'm proud of all they’ve accomplished… Great grades. Fantastic work ethic. Responsible. Reliable. HONEST. All of these things, I’m so soo, soooo proud of. And yet. I sometimes get caught up in my own crap. Like this… come with me on this journey of my last week…. It was a typical, non-eventful Thursday afternoon. I was working from home and stepped away to make my lunch. After doing a few house chores and eating, I stood at my sink, rinsing off my dish. I turned to my left and opened the dishwasher. SHWANNNGEENGNGNAZZZPPPPOP… I felt the tweak POP on the right side of my lower back and I froze – mid dish – mid – turn, and I silently cursed. (F888ccckkk…. Sh!!!ttt.) I placed the dish on the rack, sucked in a breath, and closed the dishwasher. I gripped the counter, blew out a long sigh, and silently cursed again in my head. Slowly, I turned my entire body to walk towards the fridge. “Ice. I need ice. Now,” I thought to myself. I grabbed the frozen block and carefully inched my way to my desk chair. As I was about to sit, I stopped myself. “NO! Take some ibuprofen first, moron!” Yes. Yes, I’ll do that. I shuffled to the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, grabbed the bottle, and shoved 800 milligrams of ibuprofen into my mouth as I leaned over the sink and chased it with a gulp water directly from the faucet…cringing for being so stupid to lean over the sink. OUCH. I immediately texted my friend, who’s a Nurse Practitioner, to ask about the dos and don’ts and what can I dos for this little back problem I was having. (Thankful for friends in the medical field!) Needless to say, I sat very still and took all the meds, a muscle relaxer, used ice, heat, and everything else I could get my hands on for some relief. Now, at this point, you might think this is a story about my back issue. I assure you, dear reader, it is not. I was also invited to my friend’s cabin for the weekend, but with my recent back issue, I was thinking – OH HELL NO, I can’t go… But, I let the meds and ice and heat do their work and I finally decided, “Well. Jules, you can sit at home and be miserable and feel sorry for yourself… or… You can bite the bullet, and go up north with your friends and be distracted from the miserable back pain you have. The choice is yours.” I chose to go. And I am SO glad I did! Was I in pain sometimes? Yes. Were my friends amazing and took care of me? ABSOLUTELY YES. It was better to suffer, and be with those who love you, than to suffer and be alone. It was a really nice weekend of CHILL. Very relaxing, and a LOT of laughs. What is it they say? Laughter is the best medicine? I really think it is. So then, dear reader, I returned home from my short weekend away, and I was lucky enough to see my son! What a fluke! He had come home just for the day to go to a movie with his dad and sisters and I caught him just before he loaded up his car to head back to school. (Because, of course, he comes to my house to do all of his laundry…) Anyhow… I got my hug. I actually got TWO hugs. I got to see my baby again and enjoy the healing properties of his arms wrapped around his mama like a comforting blanket. Up next: Boy leaves. Mom unpacks in empty house. And then Mom (I.e. me) goes to sleep. But do I sleep? Noooooo. Oh no, dear reader…I do not. And do you know why? Because I’m 51. Fifty-F*cking. One. And although there are many GREAT and wonderful things about being 51 and (ahem) menopause (No periods. No more babies. NO PERIODS) … there are some … (cough) side effects.
Oh. It’s 51. I’m 51. (Silently cursing.) But also… REJOICING! I AM FIFTY-FUCKING ONE!!! Do you know how many people never get to see this age?? A lot. And yet here I am. Mom. Sister. Daughter. Aunt. Cousin. Jules. (Most everyone who’s close to me calls me this). Friend. Coworker. Author. Writer. Marketing Specialist. Artist. Crafter. Bourbon Drinker. Pizza Pasta Lover. Wine sipper. Ex-Wife. Future girlfriend?? (lol) I’m all of these things. And so much more. We ALL are SO much more. And sooo many people NEVER get to see this age. Or the next. And we need to remember this. Just over a week ago, I found out that an old high school acquaintance and former co-worker went missing. Talented, joyful friendly guy. Divorced. Two young children. Living his best life. Tragically, I’m sure you can guess where this is going. After several days of what I can only imagine was complete horror for his loved ones, family, and friends, the brutal truth came to light. He was taken and murdered. I can’t even begin to say that I could understand or know what his family is going through. But I can relate to the fact that that they are in shock and mourning. It honestly had me rattled and sick to my stomach just knowing this happened to such a good soul. I don't know what to say - I have no words, and this is the only thing I could of doing to honor the life he has lived. ... To talk about life. To Cherish Life. So, with this ending, I hope you realized that even in all the horrible moments, your life is still pretty great. I hope you see that even if something bad happens in your day, it doesn't mean your entire day is ruined. I hope my story was relatable. I hope maybe you chuckled. Or could sympathize. And I hope you then drew in a deep breath, and maybe said a prayer or sent some positive energy for my classmate who is no longer with his family.) And I hoped you thanked the world around you that you are still here. That your family still has you. That you told that special someone that you care. That you lived another day to hug and kiss your children. To hug and kiss your spouse or significant other. To tell your friends you love and cherish them. Be grateful for everything every day. Because no matter what curveballs life throws at us – kids leaving, backs going out, menopause, people coming and going... so many other things! … We are still lucky enough to be here. We are still lucky enough to have some of our favorite people in our corners with us. Because there are many who are not here. And they should be. There are so many people who mourn the loss of their loved ones, or wish they could have another day with them, and they shouldn’t have to be doing that. Remember that. Don’t waste your time taking those people for granted. Tell the people you love -- that you love them. Go be awesome today! Go be thankful today! Go do SOMETHING today! Because you can. *If you liked this blog, please click the likes, please share. Thank you. :)
2 Comments
2022, Where Are You?1/1/2023 As 2022 came to a close, I took some time to reflect on the last year. One thing I’ve embraced over the last 12 months is practicing gratitude and meditation daily (or almost daily). I almost can't believe the number of positive changes in my life. It's truly amazing! I’ve always been an optimistic person, but when you really begin to focus on what IS as opposed to what ISN’T, what you HAVE versus what you HAVEN’T, and what’s RIGHT instead of what’s WRONG, your life will change. I promise. It takes some practice, for sure, and I can certainly attest to the fact that focusing on the positive isn’t always easy. But whatever situation you’re in, you can choose to see the good or the bad. They’re both often present to some degree. And what you focus your energy on, is what will come back to you. This is important because this affects how you feel. Wouldn’t you rather feel good, than feel bad?
This weekend, I went through each month of photos on my phone to reflect and feel grateful for all the wonderful things that have happened, the amazing people in my life, and the goals I achieved. Every single month had great memories. So, instead of focusing on things that went wrong this past year, or where I failed, I contemplated all the things that went right. I even made a highlight reel for 2022. My phone only let me pick 60 photos and that was tough! I had over 300 favorites JUST from 2022. So I narrowed it to the bare minimum to capture the essence of all of the fantastic memories I have from this past year. Then, I wrote down a list of great moments in each month. I was overwhelmed with how many there actually were. I won’t bore you all with the details, but here’s my year ( and what gratitude can do) in a nutshell: I enjoyed great food and great company over various brunches and dinners with friends in igloos, at wineries, on patios, and in speakeasys and swanky joints. I went to several wineries throughout the year both local and up north. I spent time in and on the water – from Great Lakes to small lakes, to pools and hot tubs. I celebrated many friends (including myself) turning 50. I went dancing and ax throwing, and enjoyed lots of local bands, and a last-minute invite to the Lizzo concert. I went out of my comfort zone to apply and interview for different jobs and was blown away when I was offered a position at a global company with a 41% salary increase! (Yeah, I’m still pinching myself…) I enjoyed boating, kayaking, and bonfires with friends and family. I hosted and attended parties all year – including my son’s graduation from high school! I experienced beautiful fall colors up north with old friends. And, I took my FIRST-ever trip to Las Vegas! Those 5 days were jam-packed with so much goodness I can’t even begin to tell you … plus, you know what they say about what happens in Vegas…hehe... The thing is – there were a lot of challenges, too. The year certainly wasn’t all roses. I started a new job in a completely different industry that was challenging, stressful at times, and scary. I also missed my old work tribe terribly. My baby boy went off to college and this empty-nester mom has really felt his absence at times. Of course, there were other things that weren’t so great. But my point is, I think all the good far outweighed the bad. I am so very grateful for the year I had and am so very hopeful for the year ahead. When you begin to practice gratitude daily, your life will change. But the choice is yours. You can mope, whine, or be upset about all of the ‘bad things’ in your life, or you can look at all the good moments instead. I choose the latter. The second part of this is that you also have to start speaking to yourself differently. You need to begin to use positive phrases, instead of negative ones. For example: People at your workplace or close to you have been getting sick and you have a big trip planned. Instead of saying “I hope I don’t get sick…. I hope I don’t get sick….” (See, you’re putting out negative energy, negative thoughts, worry, etc.) Instead, try saying: “I’m going to stay healthy for my trip.” It’s the smallest shift, but it packs a big punch. All the energy you put into the universe is impactful. And, all the little moments eventually add up to big ones. My wish for all of you is simple. Say more "I love yous" to those you cherish. Be kind to others and to yourself. Embrace all of the wonderful moments of the past year, even the smallest ones, and be grateful for them. And, may that joy, no matter how small, grow exponentially for each of you throughout the new year. As my dad used to say, “Be good. Behave. Love you.” Happy New Year! A Visit from St. Nicholas: 202112/15/2021 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the home, Devices were buzzing, with wifi passwords, and chrome. The stockings were hung, and soon filled with stuff; Parents hoping the kids would think it’s enough. The children were nestled all snug in their beds; While listening to the latest school shutdown from Feds. Threats of campus gunmen, and officials throwing shade, Fear of vaccines and Covid, with hopes these realities fade. In the restaurants and shops there arose such a clatter, We all pushed and shoved, not knowing what was the matter. Not enough workers to help get the job done, But still we needed our “stuff” to complete our fun. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Gave a lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes did see? Was the billowing flag of the land of the free. Snow falling around the red, white, and blue, Reminding me of the many freedoms we have, too. Four walls and a roof, and food on the table. Free education, and meals, for those with jobs less stable. Many still hustling to make ends meet, And still I Stand, with warm boots on my feet. Healthy friends and family who lived through this year, And gatherings with loved ones, both far and near. Though times can be tough, and anxiety hard, Be thankful for them, not amounts on the gift card. So what if my meal out takes longer than desired? Relax, slow down, don't get waitstaff fired. To all the ones you love and hold dear, raise your glass of Christmas cheer! Be joyous, and sing, and call them often! It might just make your general mood soften. "Hello, Family and Friends! Hello, Spouse or ‘Crush!’" Hug them TIGHT! Kiss them FIERCE, until they all Blush! As the hours tick by, with parties and the perfect gift find, When you meet with up with obstacles, remember: Be Kind. So up to the house you drive with your gifts, With the car full of presents, forget family rifts. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. A bundle of joy he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon let me to know I had nothing to dread; The coming year will be so great, for you often, most always, have Choice over Fate; He opened his bag and said, It’s not full of things or stuff, Because what You carry Inside and share with others is Quite Enough. Remember to love, be grateful and kind, Indeed, those are the best gifts you’ll find! Sweet memories will fill your mind and heart, So much greater than what’s in your Amazon cart. And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his sleigh, gave a wink and wave And away they all flew, faster than cops raiding a rave. So take a deep breath, thank the stars for tonight, Kiss your loved ones hard, and hold them tight. Take a swig of the whiskey or wine or cheer, Remember the people, not things, you hold dear. And I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight-- “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” Please comment, share or click the FB like if you enjoyed this post! *Original poem by Clement Clarke Moore. Everybody, Calm Down.11/10/2021 Ever wonder why it’s so easy to see the bad stuff first? To be quick to get angry, or impatient? Negative thinking -- it’s a slippery slope. There are a few things that I’ve learned to be true for most people:
I had a conversation recently with a store clerk that was the inspiration for this blog and the above three things I stated. I had gone into Gordon Food Service to buy candy and chips to pass out on Halloween. I was bummed when the items I wanted to purchase were all out of stock, but managed to find other options. When I went to check out, the cashier asked if I had found everything I needed. I answered honestly. “No,” I sighed. “But that’s okay, I found some other stuff that’ll work just as well. You guys were wiped out! But it’s all good.” She smiled apologetically and replied, “You seem a bit like me. You just let stuff go and roll with it.” I grinned, “Yeah, I try to. People get too upset over silly things.” She agreed, “Oh, I know! I get yelled at by customers all the time! As if it’s my fault they can’t purchase a particular item, or that I can somehow fix it. I don’t want to come to work and get yelled at every day.” I shook my head. “People have gotten a little crazy during this pandemic.” I felt like somehow I needed to apologize to her for all the crappy people she’s had to deal with. After all, she’s just trying to make a living and pay her bills, just the same as me. So here’s my PSA for today in relation to the three numbered things above: Calm down. Really. Just take a deep breath, and try to be patient and respectful. I’m sorry that you waited in line for 45 minutes in the McDonald’s drive-thru, but the two 18-year old kids working the entire restaurant, taking your order and making your food are working just as fast as they can. They didn’t sign up to be bullied or yelled at while they stand on their feet for six hours flipping burgers and making french fries. Instead, be thankful the place actually had staff come in to work so they could be open, so you could get your french fry fix. Or, leave and go somewhere else. Don’t take it out on the person trying to help you. Try being thankful for what you DO have, versus what you don’t have, and put your energy to that. I guarantee, it will bring much more peace and happiness in your life. Trust me. Appreciate the good qualities about yourself, your daily life, your family and friends, and everything you have, versus everything you don’t have or don’t want. We all slip into that negative complaining mindset, but the important thing is to do a quick reset and pull yourself out of it. When a negative thought enters your mind, cancel it and replace it with something you can be happy about, thankful for, or something or someone that makes you smile or feel good. “Living your best life” doesn’t mean you have the best of everything… it means you appreciate and make the best of everything you have. Let’s spread some smiles and pay it forward with some good vibes, eh? Happy THANKS GIVING, all! (intentional caps). Please click the FB Like if you enjoyed this post! Shares appreciated! A lesson on "Is There More?"10/14/2021 I’ve also always been an observer. As a quiet, shy child (It’s true, I know it’s hard to believe) I watched people and circumstances all the time. I took in my surroundings, never brave enough to act on things I wanted to say or do, except in my mind. I loved to draw, and I would look at the world around me and try to transcribe it onto paper.
As I became more comfortable in my own skin, had more life experiences, and, well, just grew up, I became more vocal and outgoing. But, still I paid attention and observed. I honed my drawing skills and my writing skills. I found a joy in storytelling that I never knew existed before. What I observed about people and the world around me has educated me, made me more compassionate, and, dare I say… wise. As an adult, I’ve always been an upbeat, positive, personable person. An optimist at heart, I strive to find the good in most situations, and more often than not, choose happiness over sorrow or complaints. But, something began to gnaw at me from inside. Is there more? Since the pandemic, I’ve noticed an upswing in negativity all around me. In the media, on social media, argumentative commentary, depression, anxiety...it seemed like so many more people have become angry, bitter, sad, lonely, or just plain depressed. It’s been painful to see, and yes, I, too, have struggled with some bad days. However, that thing that began to gnaw at me, grew stronger. I have come to believe that what goes around, comes around. Call it karma, kismet, the circle of life, or whatever else fits. I also truly believe that it is our mission to learn and grow as much as we can during our lifetime. To be better today than we were yesterday. Could I be doing more to achieve this? Become more? Be happier? More successful? More grateful and joyful? Something I had heard about a long time ago was the Law of Attraction. I never knew much about it, other than that it basically means: that you will attract into your life whatever you focus on. Whatever you give your energy and attention to will come back to you. I started to dig a little deeper into this concept. Part of this law is the use of visualization. Now, to put it into terms we can understand, visualization has been a part of elite sports for a very long time. Al Oerter, a four-time Olympic discus champion, and the tennis star Billie Jean King were among those using it in the 1960s -- over 40 years ago! There are countless scientific studies analyzing this concept. In my younger “dance class” days, I often used this technique, although I didn’t realize it at the time. I just knew if I could “see” myself doing a quadruple pirouette, I could do it. And, I achieved this goal in a short time, with little physical practice. I went through the motions over and over in my head countless times and soon after, I managed the feat. With elite sports, studies have shown time and time again that mental training matters. Russian scientists conducted a study comparing the training schedules of four groups of Olympic athletes. Each group used a different combination of physical and mental training:
To further describe the law of attraction, generally, it means that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life. I had no idea if this was true, but my gut told me there was some truth to this. I was interested to try it out. Along the way, I learned some things. And, some of these thoughts and ideas have been around for CENTURIES. Not months. Not Decades. A really reallllllllly long time. One thing I’ve learned in my life? Theories don't stick around for long if there’s no validity to them. Take a gander at this … Once upon a time, there was a man named Phineas Quimby. (Okay, as an author, I just LOVE that name...how perfect is it??) Early in his life, Phineas was diagnosed with tuberculosis and early 19th century medicine had no cure. “Quimby took to horse riding and noted that intense excitement temporarily relieved him from his affliction.” This method for relieving his pain and his seeming recovery prompted Phineas to pursue a study of "Mind over Body".[Although he never used the words "Law of Attraction", he explained this in a statement that captured the concept in the field of health: “the trouble is in the mind, for the body is only the house for the mind to dwell in, and we put a value on it according to its worth. Therefore if your mind has been deceived by some invisible enemy into a belief, you have put it into the form of a disease, with or without your knowledge. By my theory or truth, I come in contact with your enemy and restore you to your health and happiness. This I do partly mentally and partly by talking till I correct the wrong impressions and establish the Truth, and the Truth is the cure.” In 1897 (124 YEARS AGO), Ralph Trine wrote, “The law of attraction works universally on every plane of action, and we attract whatever we desire or expect. If we desire one thing and expect another, we become like houses divided against themselves, which are quickly brought to desolation. Determine resolutely to expect only what you desire, then you will attract only what you wish for.” Let’s go back even farther. A lot farther. Thousands of years ago, there are verses from the Bible in the context of the Law of Attraction. An example is Mark 11:24: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” The law of attraction is the attractive, magnetic energy of the Universe that manifests through everyone and everything. After all, every single living thing is made up of energy. It is part of the creative power of the Universe. It draws to you people who think like you, and situations and circumstances that you repeatedly think about. So I put it to the test. And in the first five days of doing some of these techniques, here’s what I experienced: I experienced more smiles from others and received more compliments. I unexpectedly got a refund direct-deposited from the IRS and was able to pay off my upcoming vacation. A co-worker brought me flowers. My favorite person texted me all day long. My huge work event that I had been planning for weeks went off with great success. I genuinely felt happier throughout the day, like mini-moments of joy sprinkled throughout hectic days. I got two emails from two different managers complimenting my work and a job well done. I had more warm, friendly conversations with people. My books climbed in their rankings on Amazon. Neighbors visited and brought treats to share. My drives into work seemed to have less traffic and stops along the way. (There are 21 traffic lights on my commute to work.) Mind you, these occurrences were all in a matter of days. Five days to be precise. There is a counterpoint I need to make as well. The law of attraction also suggests that Like attracts like. It means that people tend to attract people who are similar to them—but it also suggests that people's thoughts tend to attract similar results. Negative thinking is believed to attract negative experiences, while positive thinking is believed to result in desirable experiences. If you follow me on social media, you probably have already realized that I rarely post anything negative or complain. That’s partly because it’s just my nature, but also because I try to put positive energy out. Everyone could use a dose of happy in their life. I'd rather add to those I care about, not subtract or take away any ounce of their joy. The world is full of enough of the Debbie Downers and Dementors (those creepy things from the Harry Potter series that simply suck the happiness and life out of you.) Does the law of attraction work? In my opinion, yes. Is it perfect? No. Has it made a positive impact on me and those around me? I would say absolutely yes. Is it for you? I can’t say. But I can say this: I see you. People see you. You are Heard and Acknowledged. And if you are suffering, I wish you peace. I will always send you sunshine, and I hope you choose to receive it and that it may bring you a smile. In times such as these, I would hope we can start building each other up, instead of tearing each other down. Kindness and compassion matters, and even the smallest gestures can have the biggest impact on others. Stop putting yourself down or thinking you don’t make a difference or affect others. You do. I promise you, you do. I feel like I should end this blog with “Namaste” or something, but I’m really not that zen, Lol. Instead, I’ll say: Rock on, you amazing person! Choose happiness, and appreciate, love .and focus on all the good things that are in your life, no matter how small. *If you enjoyed this blog, please give it a "like" and/or a share on social media. Thank you so much for reading! Tiny Perfect Things.3/7/2021 Personally, it’s been a rough week. Hell, as some of you may know, it’s been a rough month/5 weeks. Dark February brings up not-so-pleasant memories of 2020 and 2018, and throw in some other junk from this past week, and you have a cocktail of mad sadness and anxiety for Jules. But. (insert intentional period for pro-longed pause for the reader...) But, life is really made up of SO many moments. Most of them are actually lovely small moments. Sure, there’s the big, momentous occasions -- a wedding, graduation, birth, promotion, etcetera. But, those are sporadic throughout your life. What really makes up our lives -- our happiness, our sorrows, are all the tiny moments. The big hug from my kid when he walks in the door. The good morning or good night text from one of my favorite people. My friend tagging me in a funny meme. Enjoying a cup of coffee with a neighbor. Watching WandaVision virtually with my friend across the country. Sitting by a bonfire with my kids. Getting a pedicure. Reading a good book. Girl talk over cocktails and cream puffs. Seeing my daughters names on the Dean's List from college. Walking at the park with an old friend. Those seconds, minutes, hours, and days often seem to pass uneventfully… but THOSE are the moments that make up the sum of our life, what we represent, how we’ve lived, and who we’ve loved. Today, I was reflecting on just that. I had a rough 8 days. But, during those 8 days, I had some dear friends check in on me. They messaged. They popped into my office. They sent me a good morning text. Different friends, from different areas of my life. And, it struck me today, how much I truly cherish and love all of these individuals. They may not realize what a profound impact they have in my life, but profound it truly is. They see and share my struggles. They offer condolences, advice, love, silly memes, jokes, or drinks. They pull me through these tough moments, and they CELEBRATE my victories with me. These connections and friendships - whether they are people I see every day at work, people I see once a month, or people I almost NEVER see due to distance or other circumstance, they are the true treasures and measure of my life: My kids. My co-workers. My long-time friends and my newer friends. These moments and conversations, and most importantly, the unwavering support and love that I feel and receive from these people (even if not always said) are priceless. I will gladly spend this world's most precious commodity -- time -- with each of you. Thank you for being a part of my life. “It’s true that we’re losing time every day, all the time, until the day it’s all gone. But you’re gaining it too. Every second - perfect moments. One after the other, until by the end, you have your whole life. You have everything. And it costs you everything.” I think most people agree that 2020 has been pretty brutal. Even being the mostly-positive, happy-go-lucky gal that I am, I’ve had my fair share of struggles, anxiety, and depression. Nothing throws off my groove more than when I’m in a sour mood or sad. I was thinking today how I just want this year to be over, and thinking about all of the not-so-great stuff that’s happened, but then I paused to think about the other side of the coin.
Why am I wishing away time that is so precious? What am I in a hurry to get to? To be older? To have my kids be that much closer to moving out on their own? To be missing them? To be richer? To be happier? How many chances - or days left for that matter - will I get? Nobody knows. I can have the most important things now if I so choose to. I still have many cherished loved ones in my life. I am healthy, I have a comfortable house, a newer car. I have food in my pantry and fridge. I have a job that I love and work with some amazing people. I can pay my bills every month (although, there’s never much leftover). My kids are healthy, kind young adults, who are excellent students and contributing members of society. Sure, I’ve had a lot of inconveniences and it feels like there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go -- especially as of late, but, honestly, life isn’t soooo bad. I decided to chronicle all the crappy stuff I went through, in order to spin it and see the other side that wasn’t so bad. I’m doing this as a study to show a different perspective; to show how changing your point of view can lead to choosing happiness now, instead of wishing time away and hoping that things will be different. We can choose to make things different -- to change -- NOW. January 2020. My personal life got turned upside-down and I left Facebook for quite a while. Flip side: Damn. This one is really hard. January just really sucked. (Although, I released my 8th novel, and wrapped up a trilogy. So… there’s that.) February. This was the month of tears for me as I dealt with the fallout from January. It has now gone down in my personal history as Dark February. I hope to never revisit it again. Flip side: I worked on myself and went through some personal growth and paradigm shifts. I am proud of what I learned. I also had a memorable, tipsy night out dancing with friends. March. The virus hit, a pandemic was declared, and I was furloughed. I never saw this coming back in December. Flip side: I had a bite of one of the most amazing hamburgers I’ve ever eaten in my life, and started to make amends with someone very dear to me. Dark February Fall-out was slowly beginning to heal. April. Everything was shut down and fear gripped America. Toilet paper and Lysol were impossible to find and for the first time that I can remember, grocery store shelves were emptied and bare, due to panic buying and supply chain issues. Don’t even get me started on the nightmare of filing for unemployment. Ugh. Flip side: I learned to conserve stuff and not be so wasteful. I cooked more, spent more time outside, and decluttered my garage and basement. My neighbors started a group chat to help each other shop and pick up groceries. So many porch deliveries from friends saved me from going out, and eased the strain on my wallet. The CARES Act passed, and provided me additional unemployment funds, allowing me to not be so financially strapped. May. More of the same. My daughter’s high school musical, senior prom, senior choir trip, and commencements were canceled. Flip side: My daughter’s high school put on a drive-thru-socially-distanced graduation and had lots of different photography stations set up. The school did a really great job of making it special for the kids and their families. Balloons, cheering stations, and pictures on the football field...it was tear-jerker kind of day. I also became acutely aware of which people and friends were most important to me. When you can’t see the people you love, you realize how much you do love them and need them in your life. June. We made the decision to post-pone Grace’s graduation party. Events were being canceled everywhere. Flip side: There was a senior parade of cars, and my family all spread out along the route to with signs to cheer for Gracie as we drove by in our decorated car. She wore her cap and gown, smiled and waved at everyone, just like a Disney princess. July. The extra unemployment money was due to end. I was extremely stressed wondering if my layoff would be permanent, whether I’d have health care, and how I was going to pay my bills. Oh. I also broke my nose. That was an experience I’ll never forget, and never wish to repeat. Flip side: I was called back to work and was greatly relieved and happy to be back. My kids got to finally spend time with their dad, who is a nurse on the frontlines, and the world seemed to be getting back to a new, albeit different, “normal.” We also hosted a socially distance/appointment only grad party for Grace. My nose and face healed nicely. (Tho rumors surfaced that I either (a) got in a brawl; or (b) had plastic surgery on my nose/lips. Both of which were untrue, and had me smirking and rolling my eyes.) August: Face-to-face schooling was on, but following new guidelines, and my 16-year-old son would be doing some remote learning which he was not too happy about. The huge book conference and signing that I attend every year was officially canceled. Flip side: Because August is my birthday month, and I always try to fill it with 31 days of random acts of kindness. As ever, it was an amazing month of compassion, sweet gestures, and love. Also, I went to my first drive-in movie EVER. (The original Jurassic Park with the kiddos!) September. Everyone around me was completely stressed about school shutting down, home learning, how to balance work, etcetera. I was losing my damn mind listening to it all, on top of the fact, that although my job seemed secure, this pandemic made me realize that no one was safe from the fallout. I was grateful for every paycheck and prayed I would work another week. Flip side: My son was able to do in-person school… for a while. I participated in a few socially distanced small art fairs, and supplemented my income with art and book sales. October: An upswing of positive cases of COVID-19 and Schools shut down and went to remote learning. Flip side: Myself and my entire immediate family had so far managed to stay safe and healthy. Taking advantage of some places still being opened, I had a wonderful girls weekend trip to the wineries in St. Joseph. It was a much-needed escape with a small taste of the way life used to be. We dined outside, and masked up, but it was still a fantastic time. Halloween trick-or-treating went on as planned (although wayyyyy less kids out). And, I got to meet my daughter's new boyfriend. November. The Governor declared another state of emergency, shutting down services, restaurants, and bars, and ordered people to work remotely if possible. EVERYTHING WAS CLOSED. AGAIN. And when we weren't being blasted with Corona news, the election and politics took over and everyone lost their mind. For real. Flip side: My company made it possible for me to work remotely several days a week, which I am truly thankful for. We celebrated my daughter turning 20. (TWENTY?!?). December: Anxiety was creeping back in, and I needed a break from social media and, for my own sanity, needed to take myself out of the equation for a while. I was worried what this month would bring and now that it’s finally on its last day, I can say it wasn’t as bad as I had feared. I still stress about staying healthy and working and providing for myself and my kids. And, there’s a few writing projects I’d like to move on and finish, but circumstances haven’t been ideal. Flip side: The worry will always be there, somewhere in the back of my mind. But, I also know, that through all of the stress, sadness, discomfort, inconvenience, and difficulty that I’ve faced this past year, I know I will get through it. I know it will all be “okay,” in some manner or other. Some days I need that reminder. Some days are harder than others. Through it all, we can choose to see the good things in all of the bad. Sure, this year has been a sh*t show for most of us. But, just like everything in life, there’s always another side to the story...to all of our stories. In December, I decided I needed to take some time to figure out how I wanted the next year of my life to go. What rhythm and people I could find that would help bring balance back to my life. Certain relationships need to change. Some of my reactions and how I cope with some things need to change. There’s no better time to do it than now. There are 3 phrases in my life that were coined in 2020 that I never want to re-visit. 1. Dark February 2. Novel Corona Virus (COVID-19) 3. Super Spreader What and who will bring you sorrow? What and who will bring you joy? Start doing more to achieve the latter. Trials and tribulations are a part of life. But regardless of the stresses and sorrows you have been through, remember that there’s always a flip side, even if you don’t see it at first. There’s often always a choice. Albeit not one you always want to make, but sometimes one you need to make, for your health and/or eventual happiness. Cheers, to the end of 2020; to never being a “super spreader”; to new beginnings; and to the plot twist you’ve been dreaming of. Please click the "like" buttons below if you enjoyed this blog! And remember, sharing is caring. :) The Thing.9/29/2020 When I hit my 40s, I realized something that was very important to me. Something I came to realize that held great worth. This “thing” has become more significant to me through the years and its value has greatly increased.
It’s not a family heirloom, or some cherished trinket. It’s actually not a “thing” at all. It is a verb; an action. This particular verb holds weight and gains more respect from me than many others. It is highly attractive to me and is always incredibly appreciated. By now, you’re probably chomping at the bit for me to spill the beans, eh? What IS this verb you speak of, Julie? Patience, young grasshopper. I like building suspense! Hehe. To me, this thing - this verb - means the person cares. It shows they respect me and my time. It demonstrates that they value me, and the relationship I have with them. This verb has come to be a key factor of who I tend to be drawn to, both platonically and romantically. Whether it’s a work relationship, a friendship, or something more, this verb has become an important, cherished quality to me and I notice it in others. What is it, you ask? What could this simple verb be that holds so much weight? Follow-through. Such a simple concept, but so difficult for some to actually do consistently. Now, I know that not everything you attempt or say, or promise, or commit to is easy to follow through on. Lots of things in life aren’t. But when you can follow through on the little things, that earns trust and shows your accountability. It also builds respect and dependability with each small effort. And all of those little things become a big thing. At least in my book they do. If I ask my kid to unload the dishwasher, and they say they will do it, I give them the benefit of doubt that they will. Because they have demonstrated to me in the past that they can and will follow through. Over time, with each task, responsibility or request, they've earned my respect and trust. It’s following through on the little things that are the big things to me. Showing up when you say you’re going to. I mean this both literally and figuratively. Just be true to the words you say. Follow through on whatever they may be. Whether it’s that you'll arrive on time, return a call, say you’ll be at special event, run an errand, or simply do the chore you said you’d do… follow through. It will speak volumes about your character and builds a dependable reputation that people will value. It demonstrates pride and consideration, speaks of your ethics and morals, and shows you are someone people can count on to show up both emotionally and physically. We all need people we can count on. Think about the times in your life when you’ve felt let down or disappointed. I can guarantee that probably 80% of them involved a lack of follow through, either from yourself, or someone else. Whether it was you (or they) that ‘dropped the ball' in some way, it led to disappointment. Now, think about who you turn to when you’re in need, or when you want to go out, or when you want to attempt a project or share a new experience. Is it the person who has consistently demonstrated they follow through? Or is it the sometimes wishy-washy person who’s typically late, or bails, or can’t be counted on to respond or finish a task? Don’t be the person that lets someone else down. Be considerate. Do the thing. Be a verb and follow through not only for those you care about, but for others. And, most importantly, for yourself. *If you liked this post, please click the fb button below! One of Our Biggest Predators: Fear.7/11/2020 “Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” - Rudyard Kilpling Fear. It is an inescapable emotion. It often strikes when we feel at our weakest. When worry and anxiety overwhelm us and threaten to choke our last breaths. FEAR comes in like raging hurricane demolishing all rational thought in its path. Sometimes fear builds slowly. Stirring in the embers of uncertainty and insecurity. It smolders in the ashes and flickers flames of doubt. It is a fuel that can drive the engine of our mind, causing us to spin out of control. So, how do we conquer it? How do we conquer whatever the fear is that threatens to suffocate us? It is not an easy thing. But, it is a feat for us all to overcome. Because we all have things we are afraid of. People, situations, or moments that intimidate us; objectives to fulfill; tasks to conquer! But, in some manner we are afraid. Something about whatever it is scares us. Perhaps it’s a new circumstance at work or school. Shoot, venturing out to a grocery store or mall is downright terrifying for some people these days during these strange times. Maybe it’s opening yourself up to a new job or relationship. Perhaps it’s trying something new or asking for something that you’ve never done before. I used to think, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” (And, I still partly believe this.) But, I also think there’s a second part to this. You have to do the thing you’re afraid of, and then you gradually get the courage and confidence to attack it. If you wait to be ready to do something, you’ll never get there. How do you get yourself to do it if you’re scared? It’s simple and complex, a paradox for sure. Marcus Aurelius said, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” YOU have the power to revoke it. You must DO the thing you’re afraid of. There is no easy way around it. No trick or words I can say to make it easier. Except perhaps this: Our imagination and the thoughts that occur, are most likely (and 99% of the time) far worse and far scarier than whatever fearful reality we are about to face. Will it be difficult? Yes. Will you be scared? Definitely. Will your absolute WORST fear happen? Probably not. Probably not even close. Sometimes? Yeah, the universe kicks us in the balls and takes us down. SOMEtimes. Most times? We rise. Do I need to remember to take my advice? Absolutely. I have been gripped with fear many times. But, I'm still here. And some of the things I fear have gotten less scary. So, when fear threatens to choke you, or stop you from doing something you really want, or don’t know if you want, but can’t decide if you do… Push that little mongrel down, take a deep breath, and forge ahead. Because you are stronger than you think. There might be something amazing waiting for you just around the corner, but how will you ever get there if you don’t take that first scary step? Lace up those shoes and move. There’s a life of wonderful, scary, challenging, amazing things out there for you. What are you waiting for? Fear? Never forget, YOU are the one with the power to revoke it. “Fear has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything and Rise. The choice is yours.” Before. During. And After.3/21/2020 I had to write or type something, but I don’t even know how to do this right now. There’s a lot of stuff going on and it’s changing daily. It’s a strange, crazy time in our history right now, and we will be changed people because of it. Also? If I hear the words, “fluid situation,” “monitoring its progression,” or “social distancing” one more time, I may just hurt someone. Necessary to be spoken and written, to be sure. But, doesn’t change the fact that I’m sick of it and just want to curtail this madness so that we can begin the long road of recovery. Strange times, indeed.
Before COVID-19: My kids were in college and highschool. Homework was done. They walked to the stores and McDonald’s with friends and hung out as late as I’d let them. They helped with chores. And wanted their turns borrowing the car. I went to work every day where I enjoyed my job as a Marketing Coordinator for a large law firm. I got to write, work on website design, coordinate events and assist with presentations. I love my work family, and my old team that we lovingly refer to as the “Rock Room” are some amazing women and great friends. I went to the gym nearly every day after work, and on the weekends. I cooked most nights, and we’d order carry out usually once a week. During COVID-19: My kids are now at home, doing online education. My daughter had to pack up and move out of the dorms. Concerts, performances, school musicals, dances, and countless other things have been canceled. Homework is still done daily. They walk to the park or ride their bike around the neighborhood. They text and facetime their friends as late as I let them. They help with chores, even more so now. They don’t borrow the car now, because I don’t really let them go anywhere except a very rare trip through the drive-thru for ice cream. I no longer go into work every day, as pursuant to the Governor's order, my firm has had to temporarily close the office, with only attorneys and a small staff working remotely from home. I no longer get to do the job I enjoy so much, and quite frankly it’s left me a bit lost. I do, however, have more time to write for myself, read, draw, paint, and get all those projects I’ve been meaning to do done around my house. I still love my work family, and I especially love the women from the Rock Room, who, in these strange times, have definitely been rocks for me. I can’t go to the gym anymore since it’s closed, but I have gone for long walks and runs around the neighborhood. I still cook every night, but ordering carryout will now be a luxury, since my income just took a drastic hit. I now have extra canned goods and dry goods on hand, “just in case.” But a plus? I think I’ve washed every bit of dirty laundry in the house, and I even washed my bedding and get to sleep on clean sheets tonight! (Which, for the records, is one of life’s greatest little pleasures.) After COVID-19: Who knows? I know my kids will be kinder and more appreciative of things. I know their brains and bodies were pushed during the pandemic, even in the midst of upheaval. I hope I can return to work and be even better at my job than before, with a newfound appreciation for doing what I love. I know I will try to save more, and enjoy the company of those I love more. I’m looking forward to seeing my favorite people in the flesh and hugging them tight... all those little things we take for granted. Perhaps this was the universe’s way of pushing the reset button on us. Has this stupid virus turned our world upside down? Yes. Has it completely ruined our lives? No. Not really. Not yet. And we have the power to alter its course. I don’t care what social status you’re from. I don’t care what job you have. Or don’t have. I don’t care if you are a student. Or a teacher. Or a professional. What I care about is the health of humanity. Not the nation. Not my country. Humanity. We should want to continue. There’s a lot of stuff in today’s world that pushes against us. So I’m asking you to push back. Just do the right thing. You know in your heart what it is. I’m not going to bring up politics, or religion, or anything else. Because in the end, it’s not about that. It’s about being kind, compassionate, and doing the right thing for the person next to you. For the person across from you. For the person you might not even know. Stay home. Stay away from people. Push your reset button. Follow the guidelines. Take the very best care of your health and those around you and we will get through this OK. Stop panicking. Stop freaking out. Just do the right thing. There will be life after COVID-19. I’m sure in some ways it will be drastically different. And, in others, it will be very much the same. Let’s just all try to get there in one piece and not kill anyone along the way. Hmmm? Now go do the right thing. And don’t forget to wash your hands. AuthorJulie Cassar, Best Selling Archives
September 2023
Categories
All
|