Guys. Ladies. People. Let me tell you what’s been going on with me lately. I know it’s been a minute – or like a year (lol) since my last blog, and I have no excuse. None. I guess I just got caught up in life and my Muse decided to take a vacation to Greece without me or something. (Or some other fabulous place.) This last week though, I’ve been struggling to piece together my thoughts to express, and it’s been… difficult.
I’m gonna start by painting you a picture. A (ahem) “Julie story” if you will… This past year has been one of transition, for sure, for me. My baby – my youngest son, Adrian, moved out of my house and into his dorm 2+ hours away in Ohio. (Throws up a little in my mouth. It’s a Michigan thing. No offense.) He’s my baby boy. My hero. My protector. Every day, without fail, when I’d walk in the door from work, he’d wrap me in the biggest bear hug. Being taller than me (and stronger) he’d sometimes pick me up. He’d ask how my day was. When I was chilling with my wine watching TV, he’d come out of his room to say goodnight and hug me. When I was working tirelessly on edits on my latest manuscript, he’d come up after playing video games and kiss me on my forehead. If I was upset over something or someone, he knew. He always knew. He just had this way about him, and he’d demand to know: “Why are you crying?” I’m not, I’d say. “Yes. You were,” he’d answer. And I’d shake my head, or I’d sometimes try to tell him no, and he’d just wrap his arms around me in one of his signature hugs. So. Not having him here these last 12 months (well, mostly – he does come home now and then) has been hard. Or…as I said, a transition… for me. But… such is life, right? We adjust. We adapt. (Tho, stubbornly, I don’t always wanna!) But yet, I know this is part of life. And I know that I did my job as a mama, and as a parent, and now it’s time to let my last baby go and have him do all the good – no – great things! And I’m so, so, sooooo proud of the young humans I’ve helped shape. My two older daughters and him are just the most amazing people to me! And yeah, I’m gonna brag and feel proud that I had a hand in shaping these awesome human beings. And I’m even prouder yet, of who they’ve become – these kind, accepting, passionate, and compassionate people. And, I'm proud of all they’ve accomplished… Great grades. Fantastic work ethic. Responsible. Reliable. HONEST. All of these things, I’m so soo, soooo proud of. And yet. I sometimes get caught up in my own crap. Like this… come with me on this journey of my last week…. It was a typical, non-eventful Thursday afternoon. I was working from home and stepped away to make my lunch. After doing a few house chores and eating, I stood at my sink, rinsing off my dish. I turned to my left and opened the dishwasher. SHWANNNGEENGNGNAZZZPPPPOP… I felt the tweak POP on the right side of my lower back and I froze – mid dish – mid – turn, and I silently cursed. (F888ccckkk…. Sh!!!ttt.) I placed the dish on the rack, sucked in a breath, and closed the dishwasher. I gripped the counter, blew out a long sigh, and silently cursed again in my head. Slowly, I turned my entire body to walk towards the fridge. “Ice. I need ice. Now,” I thought to myself. I grabbed the frozen block and carefully inched my way to my desk chair. As I was about to sit, I stopped myself. “NO! Take some ibuprofen first, moron!” Yes. Yes, I’ll do that. I shuffled to the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, grabbed the bottle, and shoved 800 milligrams of ibuprofen into my mouth as I leaned over the sink and chased it with a gulp water directly from the faucet…cringing for being so stupid to lean over the sink. OUCH. I immediately texted my friend, who’s a Nurse Practitioner, to ask about the dos and don’ts and what can I dos for this little back problem I was having. (Thankful for friends in the medical field!) Needless to say, I sat very still and took all the meds, a muscle relaxer, used ice, heat, and everything else I could get my hands on for some relief. Now, at this point, you might think this is a story about my back issue. I assure you, dear reader, it is not. I was also invited to my friend’s cabin for the weekend, but with my recent back issue, I was thinking – OH HELL NO, I can’t go… But, I let the meds and ice and heat do their work and I finally decided, “Well. Jules, you can sit at home and be miserable and feel sorry for yourself… or… You can bite the bullet, and go up north with your friends and be distracted from the miserable back pain you have. The choice is yours.” I chose to go. And I am SO glad I did! Was I in pain sometimes? Yes. Were my friends amazing and took care of me? ABSOLUTELY YES. It was better to suffer, and be with those who love you, than to suffer and be alone. It was a really nice weekend of CHILL. Very relaxing, and a LOT of laughs. What is it they say? Laughter is the best medicine? I really think it is. So then, dear reader, I returned home from my short weekend away, and I was lucky enough to see my son! What a fluke! He had come home just for the day to go to a movie with his dad and sisters and I caught him just before he loaded up his car to head back to school. (Because, of course, he comes to my house to do all of his laundry…) Anyhow… I got my hug. I actually got TWO hugs. I got to see my baby again and enjoy the healing properties of his arms wrapped around his mama like a comforting blanket. Up next: Boy leaves. Mom unpacks in empty house. And then Mom (I.e. me) goes to sleep. But do I sleep? Noooooo. Oh no, dear reader…I do not. And do you know why? Because I’m 51. Fifty-F*cking. One. And although there are many GREAT and wonderful things about being 51 and (ahem) menopause (No periods. No more babies. NO PERIODS) … there are some … (cough) side effects.
Oh. It’s 51. I’m 51. (Silently cursing.) But also… REJOICING! I AM FIFTY-FUCKING ONE!!! Do you know how many people never get to see this age?? A lot. And yet here I am. Mom. Sister. Daughter. Aunt. Cousin. Jules. (Most everyone who’s close to me calls me this). Friend. Coworker. Author. Writer. Marketing Specialist. Artist. Crafter. Bourbon Drinker. Pizza Pasta Lover. Wine sipper. Ex-Wife. Future girlfriend?? (lol) I’m all of these things. And so much more. We ALL are SO much more. And sooo many people NEVER get to see this age. Or the next. And we need to remember this. Just over a week ago, I found out that an old high school acquaintance and former co-worker went missing. Talented, joyful friendly guy. Divorced. Two young children. Living his best life. Tragically, I’m sure you can guess where this is going. After several days of what I can only imagine was complete horror for his loved ones, family, and friends, the brutal truth came to light. He was taken and murdered. I can’t even begin to say that I could understand or know what his family is going through. But I can relate to the fact that that they are in shock and mourning. It honestly had me rattled and sick to my stomach just knowing this happened to such a good soul. I don't know what to say - I have no words, and this is the only thing I could of doing to honor the life he has lived. ... To talk about life. To Cherish Life. So, with this ending, I hope you realized that even in all the horrible moments, your life is still pretty great. I hope you see that even if something bad happens in your day, it doesn't mean your entire day is ruined. I hope my story was relatable. I hope maybe you chuckled. Or could sympathize. And I hope you then drew in a deep breath, and maybe said a prayer or sent some positive energy for my classmate who is no longer with his family.) And I hoped you thanked the world around you that you are still here. That your family still has you. That you told that special someone that you care. That you lived another day to hug and kiss your children. To hug and kiss your spouse or significant other. To tell your friends you love and cherish them. Be grateful for everything every day. Because no matter what curveballs life throws at us – kids leaving, backs going out, menopause, people coming and going... so many other things! … We are still lucky enough to be here. We are still lucky enough to have some of our favorite people in our corners with us. Because there are many who are not here. And they should be. There are so many people who mourn the loss of their loved ones, or wish they could have another day with them, and they shouldn’t have to be doing that. Remember that. Don’t waste your time taking those people for granted. Tell the people you love -- that you love them. Go be awesome today! Go be thankful today! Go do SOMETHING today! Because you can. *If you liked this blog, please click the likes, please share. Thank you. :)
2 Comments
2022, Where Are You?1/1/2023 As 2022 came to a close, I took some time to reflect on the last year. One thing I’ve embraced over the last 12 months is practicing gratitude and meditation daily (or almost daily). I almost can't believe the number of positive changes in my life. It's truly amazing! I’ve always been an optimistic person, but when you really begin to focus on what IS as opposed to what ISN’T, what you HAVE versus what you HAVEN’T, and what’s RIGHT instead of what’s WRONG, your life will change. I promise. It takes some practice, for sure, and I can certainly attest to the fact that focusing on the positive isn’t always easy. But whatever situation you’re in, you can choose to see the good or the bad. They’re both often present to some degree. And what you focus your energy on, is what will come back to you. This is important because this affects how you feel. Wouldn’t you rather feel good, than feel bad?
This weekend, I went through each month of photos on my phone to reflect and feel grateful for all the wonderful things that have happened, the amazing people in my life, and the goals I achieved. Every single month had great memories. So, instead of focusing on things that went wrong this past year, or where I failed, I contemplated all the things that went right. I even made a highlight reel for 2022. My phone only let me pick 60 photos and that was tough! I had over 300 favorites JUST from 2022. So I narrowed it to the bare minimum to capture the essence of all of the fantastic memories I have from this past year. Then, I wrote down a list of great moments in each month. I was overwhelmed with how many there actually were. I won’t bore you all with the details, but here’s my year ( and what gratitude can do) in a nutshell: I enjoyed great food and great company over various brunches and dinners with friends in igloos, at wineries, on patios, and in speakeasys and swanky joints. I went to several wineries throughout the year both local and up north. I spent time in and on the water – from Great Lakes to small lakes, to pools and hot tubs. I celebrated many friends (including myself) turning 50. I went dancing and ax throwing, and enjoyed lots of local bands, and a last-minute invite to the Lizzo concert. I went out of my comfort zone to apply and interview for different jobs and was blown away when I was offered a position at a global company with a 41% salary increase! (Yeah, I’m still pinching myself…) I enjoyed boating, kayaking, and bonfires with friends and family. I hosted and attended parties all year – including my son’s graduation from high school! I experienced beautiful fall colors up north with old friends. And, I took my FIRST-ever trip to Las Vegas! Those 5 days were jam-packed with so much goodness I can’t even begin to tell you … plus, you know what they say about what happens in Vegas…hehe... The thing is – there were a lot of challenges, too. The year certainly wasn’t all roses. I started a new job in a completely different industry that was challenging, stressful at times, and scary. I also missed my old work tribe terribly. My baby boy went off to college and this empty-nester mom has really felt his absence at times. Of course, there were other things that weren’t so great. But my point is, I think all the good far outweighed the bad. I am so very grateful for the year I had and am so very hopeful for the year ahead. When you begin to practice gratitude daily, your life will change. But the choice is yours. You can mope, whine, or be upset about all of the ‘bad things’ in your life, or you can look at all the good moments instead. I choose the latter. The second part of this is that you also have to start speaking to yourself differently. You need to begin to use positive phrases, instead of negative ones. For example: People at your workplace or close to you have been getting sick and you have a big trip planned. Instead of saying “I hope I don’t get sick…. I hope I don’t get sick….” (See, you’re putting out negative energy, negative thoughts, worry, etc.) Instead, try saying: “I’m going to stay healthy for my trip.” It’s the smallest shift, but it packs a big punch. All the energy you put into the universe is impactful. And, all the little moments eventually add up to big ones. My wish for all of you is simple. Say more "I love yous" to those you cherish. Be kind to others and to yourself. Embrace all of the wonderful moments of the past year, even the smallest ones, and be grateful for them. And, may that joy, no matter how small, grow exponentially for each of you throughout the new year. As my dad used to say, “Be good. Behave. Love you.” Happy New Year! AuthorJulie Cassar, Best Selling Archives
September 2023
Categories
All
|