I think most people agree that 2020 has been pretty brutal. Even being the mostly-positive, happy-go-lucky gal that I am, I’ve had my fair share of struggles, anxiety, and depression. Nothing throws off my groove more than when I’m in a sour mood or sad. I was thinking today how I just want this year to be over, and thinking about all of the not-so-great stuff that’s happened, but then I paused to think about the other side of the coin.
Why am I wishing away time that is so precious? What am I in a hurry to get to? To be older? To have my kids be that much closer to moving out on their own? To be missing them? To be richer? To be happier? How many chances - or days left for that matter - will I get? Nobody knows. I can have the most important things now if I so choose to. I still have many cherished loved ones in my life. I am healthy, I have a comfortable house, a newer car. I have food in my pantry and fridge. I have a job that I love and work with some amazing people. I can pay my bills every month (although, there’s never much leftover). My kids are healthy, kind young adults, who are excellent students and contributing members of society. Sure, I’ve had a lot of inconveniences and it feels like there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go -- especially as of late, but, honestly, life isn’t soooo bad. I decided to chronicle all the crappy stuff I went through, in order to spin it and see the other side that wasn’t so bad. I’m doing this as a study to show a different perspective; to show how changing your point of view can lead to choosing happiness now, instead of wishing time away and hoping that things will be different. We can choose to make things different -- to change -- NOW. January 2020. My personal life got turned upside-down and I left Facebook for quite a while. Flip side: Damn. This one is really hard. January just really sucked. (Although, I released my 8th novel, and wrapped up a trilogy. So… there’s that.) February. This was the month of tears for me as I dealt with the fallout from January. It has now gone down in my personal history as Dark February. I hope to never revisit it again. Flip side: I worked on myself and went through some personal growth and paradigm shifts. I am proud of what I learned. I also had a memorable, tipsy night out dancing with friends. March. The virus hit, a pandemic was declared, and I was furloughed. I never saw this coming back in December. Flip side: I had a bite of one of the most amazing hamburgers I’ve ever eaten in my life, and started to make amends with someone very dear to me. Dark February Fall-out was slowly beginning to heal. April. Everything was shut down and fear gripped America. Toilet paper and Lysol were impossible to find and for the first time that I can remember, grocery store shelves were emptied and bare, due to panic buying and supply chain issues. Don’t even get me started on the nightmare of filing for unemployment. Ugh. Flip side: I learned to conserve stuff and not be so wasteful. I cooked more, spent more time outside, and decluttered my garage and basement. My neighbors started a group chat to help each other shop and pick up groceries. So many porch deliveries from friends saved me from going out, and eased the strain on my wallet. The CARES Act passed, and provided me additional unemployment funds, allowing me to not be so financially strapped. May. More of the same. My daughter’s high school musical, senior prom, senior choir trip, and commencements were canceled. Flip side: My daughter’s high school put on a drive-thru-socially-distanced graduation and had lots of different photography stations set up. The school did a really great job of making it special for the kids and their families. Balloons, cheering stations, and pictures on the football field...it was tear-jerker kind of day. I also became acutely aware of which people and friends were most important to me. When you can’t see the people you love, you realize how much you do love them and need them in your life. June. We made the decision to post-pone Grace’s graduation party. Events were being canceled everywhere. Flip side: There was a senior parade of cars, and my family all spread out along the route to with signs to cheer for Gracie as we drove by in our decorated car. She wore her cap and gown, smiled and waved at everyone, just like a Disney princess. July. The extra unemployment money was due to end. I was extremely stressed wondering if my layoff would be permanent, whether I’d have health care, and how I was going to pay my bills. Oh. I also broke my nose. That was an experience I’ll never forget, and never wish to repeat. Flip side: I was called back to work and was greatly relieved and happy to be back. My kids got to finally spend time with their dad, who is a nurse on the frontlines, and the world seemed to be getting back to a new, albeit different, “normal.” We also hosted a socially distance/appointment only grad party for Grace. My nose and face healed nicely. (Tho rumors surfaced that I either (a) got in a brawl; or (b) had plastic surgery on my nose/lips. Both of which were untrue, and had me smirking and rolling my eyes.) August: Face-to-face schooling was on, but following new guidelines, and my 16-year-old son would be doing some remote learning which he was not too happy about. The huge book conference and signing that I attend every year was officially canceled. Flip side: Because August is my birthday month, and I always try to fill it with 31 days of random acts of kindness. As ever, it was an amazing month of compassion, sweet gestures, and love. Also, I went to my first drive-in movie EVER. (The original Jurassic Park with the kiddos!) September. Everyone around me was completely stressed about school shutting down, home learning, how to balance work, etcetera. I was losing my damn mind listening to it all, on top of the fact, that although my job seemed secure, this pandemic made me realize that no one was safe from the fallout. I was grateful for every paycheck and prayed I would work another week. Flip side: My son was able to do in-person school… for a while. I participated in a few socially distanced small art fairs, and supplemented my income with art and book sales. October: An upswing of positive cases of COVID-19 and Schools shut down and went to remote learning. Flip side: Myself and my entire immediate family had so far managed to stay safe and healthy. Taking advantage of some places still being opened, I had a wonderful girls weekend trip to the wineries in St. Joseph. It was a much-needed escape with a small taste of the way life used to be. We dined outside, and masked up, but it was still a fantastic time. Halloween trick-or-treating went on as planned (although wayyyyy less kids out). And, I got to meet my daughter's new boyfriend. November. The Governor declared another state of emergency, shutting down services, restaurants, and bars, and ordered people to work remotely if possible. EVERYTHING WAS CLOSED. AGAIN. And when we weren't being blasted with Corona news, the election and politics took over and everyone lost their mind. For real. Flip side: My company made it possible for me to work remotely several days a week, which I am truly thankful for. We celebrated my daughter turning 20. (TWENTY?!?). December: Anxiety was creeping back in, and I needed a break from social media and, for my own sanity, needed to take myself out of the equation for a while. I was worried what this month would bring and now that it’s finally on its last day, I can say it wasn’t as bad as I had feared. I still stress about staying healthy and working and providing for myself and my kids. And, there’s a few writing projects I’d like to move on and finish, but circumstances haven’t been ideal. Flip side: The worry will always be there, somewhere in the back of my mind. But, I also know, that through all of the stress, sadness, discomfort, inconvenience, and difficulty that I’ve faced this past year, I know I will get through it. I know it will all be “okay,” in some manner or other. Some days I need that reminder. Some days are harder than others. Through it all, we can choose to see the good things in all of the bad. Sure, this year has been a sh*t show for most of us. But, just like everything in life, there’s always another side to the story...to all of our stories. In December, I decided I needed to take some time to figure out how I wanted the next year of my life to go. What rhythm and people I could find that would help bring balance back to my life. Certain relationships need to change. Some of my reactions and how I cope with some things need to change. There’s no better time to do it than now. There are 3 phrases in my life that were coined in 2020 that I never want to re-visit. 1. Dark February 2. Novel Corona Virus (COVID-19) 3. Super Spreader What and who will bring you sorrow? What and who will bring you joy? Start doing more to achieve the latter. Trials and tribulations are a part of life. But regardless of the stresses and sorrows you have been through, remember that there’s always a flip side, even if you don’t see it at first. There’s often always a choice. Albeit not one you always want to make, but sometimes one you need to make, for your health and/or eventual happiness. Cheers, to the end of 2020; to never being a “super spreader”; to new beginnings; and to the plot twist you’ve been dreaming of. Please click the "like" buttons below if you enjoyed this blog! And remember, sharing is caring. :)
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September 2023
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